越狱哥好萌。
1.Martin Skrtel doesn’t play hide and seek as Martin Skrtel doesn’t hide from anybody.
2.Martin Skrtel does not sleep. He waits.
3.Martin Skrtel is the reason Wally is hiding.
4.Martin Skrtel does not get frostbite. Skrtel bites frost.
5.Martin Skrtel doesn’t own a lawnmower; he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
6.If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Martin Skrtel says its pork… it’s pork.
7.Martin Skrtel can get breakfast in McDonald’s after 10:30am.
8.The Black-Eyed Peas used to be called just the Peas. Then Martin Skrtel heard them.
9.If you have five beers and Martin Skrtel has five beers, Martin Skrtel has more beer than you.
10. There is no such thing as global warming, Martin Skrtel was cold so he turned the sun up.
11.The grass is always greener on the other side unless Martin Skrtel been there - then it’s soaked in blood and tears.
12.If you know someone who doesn’t like Martin Skrtel, you won’t know them long.
13.When the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks behind the curtains for Martin Skrtel.
14.Martin Skrtel CAN believe it’s not butter.
15.Martin Skrtel doesn’t tackle forwards. He stares them down until they give the ball to him.
16.When Martin Skrtel makes a tackle, God winces.
17.If two Martin Skrtels tackled each other at the same time, time would collapse and the Earth would cease to exist.
18.It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a football when Martin Skrtel is on the pitch.
19.Martin Skrtel does not run. He jumps on the spot and the earth moves into position.
20. Apple pays Martin Skrtel 99p every time he listens to a song.
21.Einsteins original theory of relativity was: if Martin Skrtel kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
22. There is no ‘Ctrl’ button on Martin Skrtel’s keyboard. Martin Skrtel is always in control.
23. Martin Skrtel can sneeze with his eyes open.
24. Martin Skrtel was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
25. Martin Skrtel sleeps on a bed of nails.
26. Martin Skrtel can kill two stones with one bird.
27. Martin Skrtel can dive to the bottom of the ocean without an oxygen tank.
28. Martin Skrtel once destroyed the periodic table because he only recognises the element of surprise.
29. When Martin Skrtel breaks his arm or leg, he saws it off and it grows back straight away.
30. Martin Skrtel is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
31.Martin Skrtel does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move out.
32. When Martin Skrtel jumps in the ocean, he doesn’t get wet, the sea gets Skrtled.
33. Martin Skrtel sees dead people, then kills them again.
34. Martin Skrtel was the first man on the Moon.
35. Martin Skrtel doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
36. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Martin Skrtel.
37. There wasn’t 300 Spartans, there was just 1 Martin Skrtel.
38. Martin Skrtel can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
39. Martin Skrtel doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
40. When Martin Skrtel does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
41.When Martin Skrtel walks through a metal detector at the airport and it beeps, he frisks the security guard.
42. Martin Skrtel can draw a straight line with a compass.
43. Martin Skrtel makes onions cry.
44. When Martin Skrtel pays for a meal in New York, the waiters tip him.
45. Martin Skrtel can beat rock with scissors.
46. Martin Skrtel is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
47. Martin Skrtel crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
48. Martin Skrtel looked into the abyss and laughed.
49. Martin Skrtel uses a night light. Not because Martin Skrtel is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Martin Skrtel.
50. The Bible was originally titled ‘Martin Skrtel and Friends’.
51.Dettol claims it can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Martin Skrtel can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
52. Martin Skrtel leaves messages before the beep.
53. Martin Skrtel once had a staring contest with a brick wall and won.
54. Martin Skrtel built Rome in a day.
55. Aliens do exist - they just know better than to visit a planet that Martin Skrtel is on.
56. Martin Skrtel’s calendar jumps from March 31st to April 2nd because nobody fools Martin Skrtel.
57. Martin Skrtel ordered a Big Mac in Burger King and got one.
58. Martin Skrtel can slam a revolving door.
59. Martin Skrtel counted to infinity - twice.
60. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Martin Skrtel.
61.There is no theory of evolution - just a list of creatures Martin Skrtel has allowed to live.
62. Martin Skrtel can unscramble an egg.
63. Martin Skrtel Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
64. Martin Skrtel was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
65. Martin Skrtel doesn’t breath, he keeps air hostage.
66. Jesus walks on water, Martin Skrtel swims through land.
67. Martin Skrtel ended the Neverending story.
68. There was never a Big Bang, it was Martin Skrtel being born.
69. Ronaldo moved from Manchester to Madrid to get away from Martin Skrtel.
70. Martin Skrtel put baby in the corner.
71.Elvis left the building because Martin Skrtel entered it.
72. Martin Skrtel won the gold for 10,000 metres in high jump.
73. Martin Skrtel frequently donates blood to the Red Cross - just never his own.
74. The Movie Alien vs Predator was originally Martin Skrtel vs Predator but only lasted 14 seconds.
75. Martin Skrtel can touch MC Hammer.
76. In the fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Martin Skrtel - those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has got to them.
77. If at first you don’t succeed, then you are obviously not Martin Skrtel.
78. The best part of waking up isn’t the bright sun shining. It’s the fact that Martin Skrtel didn’t kill you in your sleep.
79. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Martin Skrtel resides in Liverpool.
80. Martin Skrtel has been dead for over a thousand years but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.
81.Z is for Martin Skrtel as well as every letter in the alphabet.
82. Martin Skrtel can send texts from a calculator.
83. Time waits for Martin Skrtel.
84. Martin Skrtel’s house has no doors - only walls that he walks through.
85. Martin Skrtel grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
86. Martin Skrtel doesn’t bowl strikes - he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
87. It takes Martin Skrtel 20 minutes to watch ‘60 Minutes with Steven Gerrard’ on LFC TV.
88. Martin Skrtel once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
89. The world won’t end in 2032. It wil end when Martin Skrtel tells it to.
90. Martin Skrtel was the first Beatle.
91.The universe is expanding to get away from Martin Skrtel.
92. Gravity doesn’t exist; everything just falls before Martin Skrtel.
93. All UFC fights are for second place. Martin Skrtel is the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
94. Martin Sktrel can teach an old dog new tricks.
95. Dinosaurs disappeared from earth because they heard Martin Skrtel was coming.
96. Martin Skrtel once did a two-footed tackle and created the Grand Canyon.
97. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man and vanquish evil from the world. That man is not Martin Skrtel because Martin Skrtel killed that man.
98. Martin Skrtel played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
99. Martin Skrtel let the dogs out.
100. When Martin Skrtel types LOL you can actually hear him laugh out loud.
101. Martin Skrtel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
102. Martin Skrtel can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
By Facts about Martin Skrtel (via skrtelshead)
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